Kinu & Rein - random ideas

Tee: "Why are you squinting? You always squint when you're upset."
Rein: "Kinu does not want to come here to meet us and play Brawl Star together."
Tee: "Did you asked him and he said no?"
Rein: "No, I told him that I will go to your place after lunch, and we could play Brawl Star together."
Tee: "Then?"
Rein: "Then he said that he likes to play BS too, and he will ask permission to be online around that time."
Tee: "You did not ask him to come here, then why are you upset?"
Rein: "Because if he wants to come and play together with us, he will ask! He did not ask, so that means he does not want it."
Tee: (Rolling his eyes and calling Kinu's house number) "Hei Kinu, do you want to come to play with us together?" (Listening to Kinu's answer) "Kinu said yes, he will come here asap." Tee is folding his hand and says, "If you want Kinu to come here to play together, just ask him directly."
Rein: (Pouting)"Yes, but I want him to come because he wants it, not because I ask him."

Rein:"I want to restart my life. I wish I can become baby again."
Kinu:"No you don't. Being toddler is not a nice experience."
Rein looks at Kinu and smile, sometime she forgets that Kinu is just 4 years old.
Rein:"You still remember, do you?"
Kinu:"Of course I still remember, it was just last year."
Rein chuckled, gloomy mood forgotten, when Kinu is not annoying, he can cheer her up like no other people could.
Rein:"Then I just wish I can start everything new."
Kinu:"Well, I think you can start just a little portion of your life new when you enter the secondary school. At least new friends."
Rein:"I just feel terrible about myself. I wish I can fix a lot of things in my past, but I can't."
Kinu:"You need those bad memories so that you don't repeat it in the future."
Rein:"I wish I can be a better person. I killed a living thing today, an animal that might not have a spirit. But it has emotion."
Kinu:"When killing becomes easy, then you should feel bad about yourself. Right now, be thankful that you feel bad."
Rein:"I have a lot of regrets. I hope those regrets could taught me something about life."
Kinu:"Don't repeat those mistakes, so you don't have similar regrets in the future."
Rein:"You are right. I made mistakes with an animal. I do not want to repeat the same mistakes to human."

Rein glance at Kinu beside her. His head is resting on her side. He has fallen asleep. She moves him so he can rest on her lap. She looks at him, he looks so peaceful, what a contrast with all the things that just happened today. He looks so young, small, just a 4 years old boy. Who would guess that inside it there’s such complicated thoughts.

She sighs. She has stand by him, fights for him, eventhough she knows sometime he can be very naughty. Sometimes he can be wrong, sometimes he can be unkind. Sometimes she wish that she is just the same age as him. It is hard sometimes to become the older one, people expect her to lead Kinu, to keep him out of troubles. Sometimes she just wants to be mischivious with him, carefree and don’t care about any consequences.

But she wants Kinu to become a good person. She wants Kinu to be likable, to have a lot of friends, eventhough it might means that she will lose him. She wants him to be a mature and responsible man one day, someone that she will admire, and be proud of. She wish they can be like this forever, but they are both still growing, and changes are unavoidable.

Kinu: Rein, are you angry?
Rein: Yes, I am angry. I am very very angry, and dissapointed, and sad.
Kinu: Are you going to stop being my friend?
Rein: (Suprised) What??? Is that even an option?
Kinu: Well, there are many people who said it. They do not want to be my friend anymore. Some people just quietly left without saying anything.
Rein: Well, no. Of course not. That is not even an option in my life. I never said to anyone “I do not want to be your friend anymore.” That is absurd.
Kinu: What if I am a very bad person?
Rein: Then we will have a very difficult relationship. We will quarell a lot. We will disagree with a lot of things. But I will not give up so easily. I would not take an easy way out.
Kinu: That is not what most people do.
Rein: I know that I am weird, I don’t just do what most people do.
Kinu: Me too.
Rein: I hope that one day, when you are old and look back to the life you’ve been through, you remember me and conclude “This is the one person that is willing to pay the highest price to maintain a relationship with me”, “This is somebody who is willing to suffer because of me, for me, and with me.” “This is a real friend.”

I would like to say thanks to my Lord,
I am sinking in a mud of unhappiness
I would like to blame everyone around me
for the yelling, the anger and the shaming
for pulling me down, and hurt me.

I am yearning to feel safe and warm.
I have been looking for someone to protect me emotionally
To tell me "It is alright, I am here beside you"
"I love you and I will care for you"
"I will try to understand you, and I will try not to hurt you."

However, pain surrounded me
I gave my love and my hope to others
and received back harsh words and disappointments.

I want to look good and lovely,
but others seem to see all the bad things in me.
I can't even love myself.

But I would like to say thank you to my Lord
for He is the one who own me
and taking care of me
and He sees me as lovely

He is the one who stands by my side when others bullied me.
When others isolated me, he is my only friend.
He had laid His life for me.

So it is alright.
It is alright to continue to love
and to hope
and to forgive

It is alright to receive harsh words
scolding
shaming
rejection
disappointment

The pain in my heart is just a reminder that all of these are temporary, that the world is coming to an end
That all is not right, there are many things to fight for
That it is not fair, and it is not alright to run away

So get up, my spirit
ask for courage and strength from the Lord!
Even when your heart is bleeding, get up and fight
Even when you feel lonely and disappointment, embrace those feelings as your friend.
Joy has never left you, he is just there, blocked by others.

Because from now on, I would no longer be lonely
I have many friends: sadness, melancholy, stress, disappointment, heartbreak, rejection, happiness, joy, elation, excitement, fun and many others. They are faithful, and they will be with me until the last day of my life. So I no longer need to run away from them, or try to reject them. It is alright for them to stay with me, for I have my Lord who takes care of me. For every wound has been borne by my Lord on the cross. So I will continually bear mine.

"Hi Rein, what are you doing?" asked Kinu.

"Writing a disturbing story," replied Rein.

Kinu sighs, Rein has been cross for the entire month with him, after that incidence. She still talks to him, but not with the usual cheerfulness. However, writing stories might helps her, although Kinu found that all of her stories are just about her anger. An exaggerated, dramatized version of her resentment about Kinu.

Disturbing Story No.1

Mr.Dreamy and Mr.Reality built a company together. In the beginning, the business seems good and the growth is promising. However, after a while, the company stop making a profit and starting to lose money. Both Mr.Dreamy and Mr.Reality noticed the diminishing profit and realized that the future of the company seems bleak. However, Mr.Dreamy is emotionally invested in their company and does not want to give up. Both of them start to pour in their money to save the company. Both of them know that one day they might need to close the business and sell all the remaining stock and machinery to other people.

Mr.Reality considers their situation. He thinks that it is better to close the business and start selling. They have discussed it several times, but every time the discussion come up, the idea of closing the business is very distressing to Mr.Dreamy. He said that he would not be able to make decissions objectively.

Mr.Reality does not want to lose more money, and he thinks that it would be unfair if he continues to spend his effort in this business just because Mr.Dreamy refused to give up. As he knows that Mr.Dreamy could not give an objective decissions, he starts a negotiation with another party to sell the machinery. He keeps it as a secret from Mr.Dreamy.

On the other side, Mr.Dreamy just keeps pouring his money into their business. He thought that maybe if he keeps the business running, there are other possibilities that might come up in the future. There might be open doors that open if they persist in their efforts. He started to use his own house as collateral to get a loan and put the money inside the business.

One day, Mr.Dreamy found out a piece of paper about the negotiation between Mr.Reality and another party about selling the business. Mr.Dreamy is furious. He confronts Mr.Reality.

"Why do you do this behind my back?" said Mr.Dreamy.
"You said that you would not be able to decide objectively, that you would be very bias about it. So I think it would be better if I just start it," replied Mr.Reality.
"Yes, but you know how invested I am in this business. This is like half of my life! I put my time, my money, my effort, my mind, everything!" said Mr.Dreamy.
"It is a very important part of my life too, but I think this is time to move on. I can't keep pouring money and time into a business that loses money,"said Mr.Reality.
"I know that we might have to stop one day, but this is too important to me to just give up, you know how important it is. How can you give up so easily? There might be other possibilities in the future if we persist." replied Mr.Dreamy.
"Yes, but if I keep doing this, I can't open other businesses. It is not fair. You still have a house if you lose this business. I don't have one yet, I want to buy a house." said Mr.Reality.
"I have used my house as collateral and put the money I borrowed inside our company when you started the negotiation to sell it! Now the money is already inside. Why keep it a secret? Why don't you have the courage and the decency to tell me, at least about your consideration, that you have made your own decision, that we will end this business partnership this soon? We worked together, and we decided on many important things together, and you left me out for the most important decision about this business? What am I to you, a disposable paper plate? What kind of person are you?" said Mr.Dreamy.

In this world, most people don't deserve loyalty.  But I will remain loyal.  In this world, most people don't deserve justice, but I will still be fair.  I would not expect loyalty, sincerity and justice from humans, but only from God.  When I remain loyal, sincere and just, I am loyal, sincere and just not to humans, but to my Father.  He remains faithful, true and fair even though I am unfaithful, unrighteous and unjust.